for you;

i'm gonna write all of this down so i never forget

i close my eyes
and the flashback starts;

i still keep the inception ticket stub
in memory of the first time i ever saw you
i rem looking at the name on the envelope
unfamiliarity
and when i looked up at you
my heart stopped for one sec
and i rem thinking that you were(are) the most handsome guy i've ever seen
big sparkly eyes
and then conversation about the ticket stubs
'i called my og mate..his dial tone is not local..i think he's overseas'
what a liar
but i made an exception for you
the way your eyes lit up when you smiled was just a little too much haha

i thought about you randomly now and then
close my eyes and imagine how you look like
didn't wanna forget that beautiful face

chance brought us together
july 21st wed
you were sitting on the steps outside orchard hotel
honestly
i alr knew you wld be there
he mentioned to me before when i asked who wld be there
he intro-ed us
i rem holding the railing with my right hand, you sitting on my left as we smiled at the intro
nothing much.nothing too special.
you cant imagine how happy i was when i got to sit next to you in the car
i thought that wld be the most blissful moments of that night
but i was wrong

wherever i was that night,
you were always beside or behind me
but then there was someone else, or so i thought/heard about
thanks for helping me ask for the water
and being protective towards me when that anal stranger tried to pick a fight
maybe it was that protectiveness i felt
what i really wanted from a guy but could not get
that made me feel so strongly

the wait till saturday was a torture
that night you squeezed my hand now and then
i didn't know what to think, how to feel
still always beside me

we started fb msging the next day
the wait was disgusting honestly
i rem checking my inbox ever so often hoping you'd reply me faster
the spark of happiness i felt everytime i saw your name felt better than winning 4D
those were the most intense days
my days revolved around your msges
i lived on them
and they sustained me till i saw you again

i knew then that instantaneous spark between us when we first met
as 2 complete strangers
who didn't know anything about each other at all
was love at first sight
it's more intense than anything i've ever felt
a fatal attraction;

the last time i thought i would see you
i dreaded that night, yet wanted it so badly to come
that sms i sent you was on pure impulse
my subconscious was shattered knowing i wont ever see you again

july 29th
an hour together
carpark c1
east coast park
those rocks we sat on looking at the ships in the sea
our first hug along the coastline
holding hands as we walked back to your car
i knew i did sth terribly wrong
i had basically cheated on my boyfriend

3 days later
aug 2nd
13 hours together
sentosa
i realised i put in extra effort to look good, smell nice to meet you
hell i washed my hair and let the shampoo sit in on clubbing nights for half an hour so the scent would linger
it worked
when i laid on your shoulder one night, you said my hair smelled good
lotion, perfume, makeup, you name it i probably used it.
and now i only use one brand of shampoo
faceshop's keratin repair
our first kiss.more like kisses but anw.
the sun is setting/has set - im gonna be mean to you till the sun sets
the aimless useless convo we had sitting on the rocks at the little island
my first sunset with anyone
i cried that night.
very hard.
you were being sensible.i was too stubborn to listen.
in the end you gave in
bbq chicken wings at lagoon
stingray
soyabean. coconut juice.

and then the long smses
and many dates.
you came to pick me from cgh
we avoided the malls, crowded places.
stealth mode

your grandma's bday dinner at pan-pac,

your bday dinner at mandarin

celebrating your bday dinner at melt the world cafe

night safari on halloween

brunch at hatched

step up 3d-our first movie together.

3 months worth
and then i ruined it all
by going to cathay

i always thought we were cautious

how could anyone have seen us at pgp

too many close shaves

'does elendrus wear orange and blue slippers'

confrontations

his endless phone calls asking about us

too much has happened in between

eventually they found out

he found out

things turned ugly

we lost many friends

quarrels

didn't know who to trust anymore

but at least i had you

i thought i lost you that afternoon you doubted me

my heart broke

i wondered aimlessly around cityhall mrt

stopping, crying, not seeing anything anyone around me

i was hurting too much inside to care

i knew you told me before that if things got too bad we would just give up

but at least knew that we tried

i told you failing was not an option

you disagreed

and then when you called me back it was a feeling unlike any other

you made a choice then

sitting at the carpark outside little ice cream kafe as i lay in your arms

we knew there was no turning back

and so we beared the consequences

it was as bad as we imagined

the darkest times for us

i rem my heart breaking as i watched you suffer

knowing i could do absolutely nothing to make things better
it was the worst feeling ever in this world
but day by day, hand in hand,
we got through it.
learnt alot about each other in the process
it made us stronger, wiser and greatly deepened our love for each other

whenever we are going to slip into a quarrel now,
i hope i always rem how hard we fought to be with each other,
going against everyone else
for love.
and realise that we shouldnt fight over small silly stuff cos it's so insignificant compared to what we've been through

love, i just wanna thank you for being an amazing boyfriend for the past 8 months
it's our 8month anniv today(:
happy 8th monthsary love
i wanna say sorry for being so horrible, so mean to you at times
for saying things i shld nvr have said just cos i was angry
for hurting you
i'm so very sorry.

thank you dear for being so understanding always
for giving in to me so much
for being nice when we quarrel so that it doesn't blow up too much
for pampering me like a little princess fetching me up and down, sending me to school everyday and picking me up always;
for loving me so much that you'd sacrifice anything for me, be it soccer or dota
for hugging spooning me to sleep every single night without fail these 8 months
for always kissing and talking to me in your sleep, whispering sweet nothings in my ear,
for never letting any argument drag for more than a few hours
for carrying me in your arms whenever i'm injured or unwell
for keeping me warm when i'm cold,
for being there whenever i needed you,
for letting me have that special place in your heart
for loving me the way you've never loved anyone else
for hugging me in every movie we've watched so far
for accompanying me in everything that i do as much as you can
for every single night we have together
for the songs you've dedicated to me
for cooking for me when i get hungry
for buying stuff for me and sacrificing yourself in the process
for just being you

i love the way you look at me
the way you cuddle and hug me
the way you kiss me
the way you love me
the way you sms me
the way you treat me

i realise you almost never call me by my name
it's always 'love'
'precious girl'
'baby'
'my baby girl'
'dear'
'darling'
i def love that(:

i hope we have a happily-ever-after
just like in those fairytales
where
you'll be the prince,
and i'll be the princess,
it's a love story,
baby just say yes;